


It's Beginning To Look a Lot Like Christmas

by Sherine_ah



Series: Christmas Gifts 2020 [7]
Category: Folgers "Home for the Holidays" Commercial, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Christmas, Drabble, I have a whole document with charts and dates even tho this is short, Inspired by Folgers "Home for the Holidays" Commercial, M/M, Namjoon panics, Step-Sibling Incest, Taehyung just wants hyung to love him, also i will tell you, but also angsty, if you dont know what that means google it, this is very soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-01
Updated: 2021-01-01
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:08:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28485141
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sherine_ah/pseuds/Sherine_ah
Summary: Part Seven of my Christmas Drabble & Moodboard gifts for my ami friends.Namjoon's mum and Taehyung's dad married when they were teenagers. Now they are adults and Namjoon cannot help but want something different from the man who he's supposed to just have brotherly feelings for.
Relationships: Kim Namjoon | RM/Kim Taehyung | V
Series: Christmas Gifts 2020 [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2086272
Comments: 3
Kudos: 11





	It's Beginning To Look a Lot Like Christmas

**Author's Note:**

  * For [gokurakuji](https://archiveofourown.org/users/gokurakuji/gifts).



  


Namjoon had been standing in front of his parents' home in Daegu long enough for his cheeks to go numb from the December cold. The sun had risen and around him and the city had woken up. His parents would head to work soon and he’d be standing very awkwardly in front of their door, still in his military uniform, luggage at his feet. And yet, despite having very little other place to go, he could not make himself ring the bell.

He opted to continue mustering his house, taking in all the ways in which it was familiar and in what ways it had changed. His father must have finally fixed the mailbox, there was a new bike leaned against the side, but the colour and doormat were as they had always been, if a little worse for wear than they had been two years ago. The holiday decorations that sparkled in the windows were also as seasonal as they were familiar. It looked very much like the house that had become his home when he had been 16 and his mother had taken him to Daegu to meet what, according to her, were to become his new dad and brother. She hadn’t said it like that, but after fending for herself and him for a good decade while longing for a “normal” home, it had been very clear to him. Namjoon had accepted it, wanting to make his mother happy and give back after she’d sacrificed so much for him, even if it meant leaving Seoul.

They’d been invited for Christmas, an actual family affair, with dinner and a tree and presents. Namjoon didn’t get it but he liked the  _ togetherness  _ of it. It seemed like his mother hadn’t been the only one longing for something,  _ someone _ , more.

He had met Taehyung that Christmas as well. An odd kid, just a year younger than him - technically - but often too much in his own world for Namjoon to get a read on him. He was friendly and bright though, welcoming Namjoon into his home and life.

And with time and effort came understanding and by the time Namjoon graduated three years later he was sad to leave the little house, as much as he longed to return to Seoul. “You’ll call me a lot, right, hyung?” Taehyung had basically begged at Namjoon’s graduation ceremony dinner, arms wrapped around Namjoon’s middle . He was getting too tall for this. He had easily fit under Namjoon’s shoulder a year before and now they were basically eye to eye. “Of course, Taehyung-ah. And you’ll come visit and I’ll show you around. Show you all my old spots. Maybe take you to an art gallery.” Taehyung had grimaced and Namjoon had laughed. “I’ll make an art lover out of you. Just you see.”He had ruffled Taehyung’s hair and had gotten a boxy smile in return. Fondness burned in him at the sight. If he’d been less awkward and reliant on Taehyung to cuddle up to him, he might have squeezed him closer and told him how much he’d miss him. Maybe it was better that he hadn’t.

A light turned on on the first floor and Namjoon took in a shuddering breath. A part of him wanted to turn around and run, never to come back but how would he explain that? It had been difficult enough to avoid this house and his family for the leave he’d been granted during his service. His saving grace had been being stationed up north, claiming it would take too long and be too costly to travel down. His parents had come up once, but luckily Taehyung had been too busy with school to join. Or this is what he had claimed anyway. He hadn’t seen Taehyung in almost two years…

He could hear voices now, as another window, to his right downstairs, lit up. Biting his tongue and forcing his face into a gentle smile, he rang the bell. Eons passed in the half a minute it took one of the residents to open the door and when it did open, only biting his tongue stopped him from letting out a gasp.

A sharp jaw, long lashes and dark eyes under a soft, fluffy fringe, widening, unbelievably big, when seeing turned into recognition. A deep voice letting out a surprised but delighted “Hyung!” and then a warm body wrapping Namjoon in a tight hug. A scent, familiar but nearly forgotten, like a dream once you wake up, surrounded Namjoon. He couldn’t help but revel in it, arms coming up on their own accord to hold Taehyung closer.

Taehyung pulled away first. Not far though - only far enough to get a good look at Namjoon’s face. Namjoon couldn’t tell what Taehyung saw there but he smiled again, wide and boxy and Namjoon was instantly thrown back to the boy he had been when they had met. Nearly ten years and a lifetime of shame ago. 

Taehyung pressed the back of his hand to Namjoon’s cheek. “You’re freezing! How long have you been in the cold? Come on in, hyung.” And with that Namjoon was dragged inside by his sleeve, only to be let go of, after he’d deposited his shoes, coat and bag in the entryway and sat down at their kitchen table. 

“Eomma! Appa!” Taehyung called up the stairs, excitement evident in his voice, “Hyung is home!” There was a shriek and shuffling before both of his parents came running down the stairs.

“Namjoonie-yah,” his mother breathed before drawing him into a hug. His father was still in his pajama pants paired with a half done up dress shirt and Namjoon couldn’t help but grin at the sight as he hugged his mother back. “Namjoon-ah,” his father said, sounding a little choked up, before hugging him and his mother both. A moment later, he could feel another body, Taehyung, hugging him from behind and Namjoon felt so safe and cared for and missed that he wanted to cry. He missed them so much and he tried so hard not to that finally being with them again, the heartache he tried to keep at bay unfolded in his chest. 

Once they had untangled themselves his mum hit him in the chest. “Why didn’t you tell us you were coming home? And at this hour?!” She hit him again. “Surprise?” Namjoon offered lamely, adding some jazz hands for effect. In all honesty he had been out for a good week, sleeping on friends couches and asking himself how long he could put going home off. His friends had been puzzled by his behaviour, asking him first  _ when  _ and then  _ why  _ he  _ wasn’t  _ going home. Namjoon had slapped them on the back and said that he had wanted to see them and enjoy life for a moment. It had lessened no one's puzzlement.

“And a Christmas one at that!” His father laughed, squeezing Namjoon’s shoulder. “It’s been too long since we could spend Christmas together. Tonight we celebrate!” Taehyung looked like he was going to vibrate out of his skin with excitement. “We put up the tree yesterday, hyung. You can help me decorate later.” Namjoon could only smile and nod.

A look at the kitchen clock broke up their welcome. “Yeobo, we need to get going. We’re late already,” Namjoon’s mother expelled and with another hug for Namjoon and a kiss on Taehyung's cheek, they hurried to get ready.”I’ll make you coffee,” Taehyung called after them before starting to do exactly that.

“They are always late these days,” Taehyung explained, “So making them coffee to go is just part of my morning routine now.” Namjoon stood where he had been left in the middle of the kitchen, unsure if he should just take his leave and hide in his room. Two years of physical distance had apparently changed nothing. He looked at Taehyung and he  _ yearned  _ for him. 

“Sit down, hyung. You look like you could do with something warm and caffeinated as well.” Namjoon hesitated for a moment before doing as directed. Silence stretched between them, which wasn’t unfamiliar. Namjoon was often lost for words, opting to spend time with his own thoughts. Taehyung could just as well fill silence with endless chatter as he could be stuck in his own head. It had never bothered Namjoon, now though he couldn’t help but frantically try to come up with something to say. “I don’t have any presents,” he decided to blurt out finally, startling Taehyung, as he filled two travel mugs with the finished coffee. 

“You just got out of the military. I don’t think anyone expects you to have done your holiday shopping.” Taehyung placed the two travel mugs by the wardrobe in the hallway, before fixing two cups- one black, one nearly white with milk - handing the latter to Namjoon before sitting down next to him. “Besides, you’re here. That’s all I could want for Christmas.” Taehyung smiled at him and Namjoon didn’t know how to respond.

He was saved from having to by their parents coming down the stairs, this time fully decked out in business attire and briefcases. “Coffee’s by the door,” Taehyung called out but his gaze didn’t stray from Namjoon, who gripped his mug in his hands in order to stop himself from doing something stupid, like reaching out and sweeping Taehyung’s fringe out of his eyes. This was the reason he’d ran away to the military instead of finishing his degree like he’d planned to. 

“We’ll be off then. Your father is going to get groceries on the way home and I still have a meeting in the afternoon, so we both might be a bit late,” their mother popped her head into the kitchen, her gaze going soft as she looked at the two of them together. “My two handsome boys back at home. Aish! I’m gonna cry.” Next to him Taehyung laughed telling her to save it for tonight, while their father reminded her again about how late they were and a moment later, Taehyung and Namjoon were alone in their childhood home.

“You really think she’s gonna cry?” Taehyung grinned but shook his head. “She’s dramatic but if anyone’s gonna cry it’s gonna be appa. He’s like you. Calm and settled in yourself until you are really…  _ touched  _ by something. Then it's waterworks.” Namjoon could feel his cheeks heating up. “Brat,” he admonished without bite and Taehyung kicked his chin under the table without force behind it. The moment of playful familiarity calmed Namjoon, even if it couldn’t erase the want that simmered under his skin. This was what they knew. This was what they were. All they could be. It had to be enough.

They finished their coffee in a now comfortable silence. Namjoon felt sleepy despite the caffeine, now that he was less anxious and out of the freezing cold. A loud yawn escaped him and he slapped his hand over his mouth in embarrassment.

“You should get some rest, hyung. I know I just wanted to sleep in my bed and not be told when to get up when I got out.” Taehyung said sheepishly. “Your bed is made. I know eomma changes the sheets like once a month and… ah,” he ducked his head, “I changed them every time I came home. Even when you had just left. Just to remind myself that you were coming back.” 

“I’m home now,” Namjoon said quietly. Taehyung buried his face in his hands, rubbing at his eyes. Namjoon couldn’t tell if he was crying but the prospect made his stomach clench, repeating with conviction, “I’m home now, Taehyungie. I’m here.” Carefully he put his hand on Taehyung’s shoulder. He could feel a little tremble going through his body and he wanted nothing more than to draw him close, comfort him and promise him everything was okay.

“Hyung,” Taehyung said, voice quiet and his face still hidden behind his long fingers, “Do you remember Seotdal last year? Before you enlisted?” Namjoon’s mouth went dry as ash. Carefully he tried to take his hand back but as soon as he moved, Taehyung’s hands left his face, one of them encircling Namjoon’s wrist and holding onto it in the space between them.

“That was last winter Taehyung-ah. I am older than you but my memory is still intact.” The joke fell flat. Taehyung evaded his gaze before seemingly collecting his resolve. “There was a moment… in the kitchen after you broke that god awful plate… I… we...“ Even though there was no one but Namjoon to hear him, Taehyung’s voice dipped into a whisper. “We were so close and…” He paused, taking a deep breath, “I thought you were gonna kiss me, hyung.”

Something shattered. Namjoon felt his ears ringing. Did the house just blow up? He tried to say something, deny everything but no noise came out aside from a quiet “Taehyung-ah.” He sounded pleading, he couldn’t tell for what. 

Taehyung didn’t show mercy though, and did not turn back time or give him a boxy grin, absolving him and moving past this. Instead the hand that had been gripping his wrist losened, only for his fingers to slide between Namjoons, clasping their hands together. Taehyung’s eyes were impossibly big and Namjoon was just as incapable to avert his gaze, as he was to draw away.

“Because,” Taehyung’s tongue poked out and wet his lips before he said calmly, “I wanted you to. I _still_ want you to, hyung.”

For the second time in a minute Namjoon felt like he was going through a heart attack. Relieve crashed through his panic like a wave shattering against a clif. He was not alone in this. He was  _ allowed _ . Relieve was short lived though when the enormity of their circumstance dawned on him. They were never gonna be allowed…

Taehyung was still waiting for a reply though, anxiety in the furrow of his brow and Namjoon was unable to deny him or himself any longer. Pushing all worries and apprehension aside, he lifted his other hand to cup Taehyung’s face.

“Taehyung-ah, I want to kiss you so much it scares me. I am sorry for running away. I promise I won’t anymore,” he murmured as he slowly moved in, giving Taehyung time to change his mind, to move away. He didn’t though, instead closing the last distance between them. A little sigh escaped him as their lips met.

Their kiss was sweet and unhurried and it surprised Namjoon. They didn’t explode in a row of passion, instead moving gently with each other, breaking the kiss when one of them smiled too wide to keep going.

It took them a while to really stop, to move back and realise that their lives were forever changed now. “There’s no going back from this,” Namjoon couldn’t help but caution them both between small pecks to Taehyung’s beautiful face. “I know,” the other whispered back, “I don’t want to go back. Only want you.” Namjoon’s grip around Taehyung’s fingers tightened, as he pressed their foreheads together. “Me too.” There were three words Namjoon had said many times to Taehyung that now took on a new meaning and this was too raw and fresh, making them feel heavy on his tongue. Instead he whispered, “You’re the most important person in my life,” into the non existent space between them and hoped that Taehyung understood.

At some point they would have to stop kissing, get up, decorate the tree and face their parents and then the rest of the world. But till then they were going to enjoy being just two boys who were brave enough to be honest about who was in their heart

**Author's Note:**

> originally posted on twt under [Christmas Kitten](https://twitter.com/ChristmasYoonfi/status/1342823281381044224)
> 
> title from and song to go with this: [It's Beginning To Look a Lot Like Christmas performed Perry Como & The Fontane Sisters](https://open.spotify.com/track/2pXpURmn6zC5ZYDMms6fwa?si=8C5G0063Q0GXtkF7hp_O-Q)


End file.
